Gran

  I guess I'd never really thought about it, how my grandma would leave us. I mean, I knew she would pass away someday, of course...But she was such a firm part of my life, a strong woman that was always there, always loving, that I guess it just seemed like she would never have to go. That she would keep living well into my twenties, perhaps...that she would see me get married and have children.

  But she did have to leave.

  She was 93 years old, though you probably wouldn't have guessed it. She always had a clear mind--why, she even remembered things from her childhood! She had had nine children, had even lost three of them far too soon. She was a little thing, perhaps five feet tall in the most, with soft brown eyes and a sweet laugh that was contagious. She had a heart of gold, showing love to each and every one of her family even though our family is so huge even I can't keep everyone straight. Her temperament was quiet and gentle. She would sit in her chair at family gatherings and listen to everyone talking around her, rubbing her little feet together absentmindedly as she did. She was the kindest, loveliest, most wonderful woman I have ever known. And I am glad I can say that she was my Gran.

  I'm a lot like her in so many ways. I look almost exactly like she did when she was younger; I'm quiet and laid back like her; I even rub my feet together just like she did. So, for many reasons, I always felt so close to her. I felt like I could understand her since we were so much alike.

  And so when she passed on, I felt like a part of me had been taken away. Because, truly, she was a part of me.

  Her youngest son--my uncle--preached at her funeral, and at one point he said, "One thing Mother always said was let it go. She was not one to get terribly upset over something, to hold a grudge, because she knew how to let things like that go. And I think if she could, she would tell us to let it go."

  She wouldn't want us to cry over her or to dwell on our sadness. She would want us to remember the good times we spent with her and to know that she is far better off now. It's easy for me to remember all the good memories of Gran, because those are the only memories I have--good ones. Like how she used to cook chocolate gravy for breakfast because she knew that was mine and my dad's favorite, how she held her hand over her mouth and jiggled when she laughed at something, how she hugged me tightly for as long as I wanted whenever I wanted someone to hug...I'll always have those memories of her.

  It's hard to think she's truly gone. It's only been a week since she left, and tears still feel my eyes whenever I think about it. But I'm not mad or upset with God at all, though my friends have told me that He would understand if I was. I'm not, because I know that Gran is with Him now and that she is laughing and dancing with Him, no longer in pain. I'm so happy for her, even though I miss her so much already. And I'll miss her the rest of my life, but at least I can look forward to seeing her again.

  And when I do, I'm going to wrap my arms around her and hug her for at least a century.